An Average February

There aren't many milestones of note from the shortest month of the year. We celebrated Aubrey's birthday on the 11th (I'm not allowed to say how many she's had), enjoyed a relaxing day at home on Valentine's, and I made one more attempt at playing handy-man/mechanic and tried to fix the A/C in our Envoy.

Number One Son continues to grow and enrich our lives. Our walks to the park continue to be the highlight of his days and weeks. So much so, that the 45+ minute walk back is his biggest low-light of his days and weeks (it doesn't help the walk back is usually right before nap-time). It's entertaining to watch him play at the park.

When we visit the park, Frankie (remember that his "real" name is Jax; I just call him Frank) tries to find a buddy as close to his size as he can, and then just follow him/her around and play with whatever that miscellaneous child happens to be playing with, or just watch them play with it. He doesn't steal their toy or try to take it, but as soon as they aren't playing with it, it's fair game!

Another interesting happening at the park is the fact that Aubrey and I are invisible as soon as that gate closes. He wanders off as far from us as he can, and when we follow him and try to play with him, he makes his way to the other side of the area. Apparently he's already decided it's not cool to be seen playing with Mom and Dad in public. You can see from the picture that he is looking for a way to get away from Mom and go play on his own. So, we end up moving from bench to bench, a respectful distance away, but close enough to intercede should the need arise.

We tell ourselves things like "Well, at least he's not afraid to meet and play with other kids. . . or their parents" or "At least he's not just clinging to us the whole time and won't get down to play" or even "We're not hurt that our own son puts as much distance between himself and us as he can. He's just more independent. . . than every other kid under three at this park." I make it sound much more terrible that it actually is and in all reality we are pleased his outlook on playing with and meeting others is as open and positive as it is. I would prefer him to be cautiously optimistic (is that an oxymoron?), rather than overtly fearful, when he meets new people. Honestly, I think he's somewhere between "Sure creepy man, I'll go into your car and eat your questionable candy" and "I'm freaked out that you looked at me from the other side of the park and will be between Mom's legs for the remainder of my time here." I think he's in the Goldilocks spot! (That means "just right" for those that don't get the metaphor).

We have been wanting to go to the zoo together for a while, and on President's Day we finally made it. We tried going on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day in January, but the traffic around the zoo was so congested we bagged the idea and decided to try another day. After that, we decided that holidays on which schools were out were a bad time for going to the zoo! So, why did we go on a President's Day, which is a no-school holiday? Because earlier this year the schools closed down for "winter weather" (I just about died laughing about that) and many of them had school on President's Day as a make-up for the one they cancelled. We thought we were being so clever, because I had work off (hooray for government-paid holidays) and we anticipated that most schools would be in session. It was busier than we expected, and definitely a trick to find parking, but once we did we were able to enjoy the zoo. Aubrey has been working with Jax on animals and the noises they make. Watching Mikey Mouse Clubhouse helps too. He growls like a bear, toots like an elephant, and even roars like a tiger. My favorites are the lizard and the chicken!

Unfortunately, he didn't consistently "talk" to the animals he saw. He did love seeing the new baby giraffe and the new baby elephant; it was actually quite difficult to pry him away from watching and laughing at the giraffes. And, as usually tends to happen when so he's had so much fun, he wore himself out!  I was not surprised to look back and see him asleep almost as soon as he got that binkie in his mouth for the trip home.

Aubrey's dad was in town for work the weekend before Aubrey's birthday, and it was a lot of fun to see him those few days we were able to connect. A significant finding from his visit was the barbecue joint we went to on his first day here. We've finally found a place (here in the deep south) with barbecue good enough to recommend to people when they come. Additionally, after only a short thirty minutes, Frankie was sufficiently re-warmed up to his grandpa to hold his hand when we walked through the mall or go to him to get picked up and carried to the car. We were fortunate enough to have him with us to celebrate Aubrey's unknown number of years since her birth and had a great time at Aubrey's favorite local Persian restaurant (come and try the chicken barg, you won't regret it). We had so much fun with him and there's a part of us that keeps hoping he'll get sent down for work again.

Aubrey spent a fair amount of time making and sending Valentine's from Jax (sorry folks, only for the grandparents). I'm not sure how she decides which of the VAST multitude of ideas from Pinterest to execute each card-worthy holiday, but they always turn out amazing. What makes them even better are The Boy's contributions of his feet (last year) and his hands (this year) in Valentine's-red paint as part of the card. I was actually available to help with the hand-printing process this year, and let me tell you something. . . when your son hates getting things like dirt and grass on his hands, trying to get him to have fun putting his hands in paint to get a good hand print for a Valentine's card is quite an adventure. He doesn't freak out or anything, but he tries to remove as many individual parts of his hand as he can; a finger tip here, part of the palm there. In the end, it took three of our hands (my other hand was responsible for the rest of him) to control one of his enough to get something that was even passable as a hand print for the cards! It really gave me a deeper appreciation for the herculean effort it must be to teach and manage a toddler on your own for any amount of time. I try to imagine adding two, three, or four more pairs of hands to the mix, and I'm overcome with wonder at how you ladies have done it and remained sane. You must have good husbands I suppose!

As for my part, every few months or so something goes amiss with one, or both, of our cars. The cheap-skate part of me that feeds the DIY part of me combine with just barely enough experience and knowledge about cars to give me the gumption to do most of the repairs on my own. Mostly the simple things like oil changes and the such aren't much of a problem. But there has been a persistent and rather annoying problem with the Envoy's air conditioning. This is a problem that, unfortunately, gets WORSE when it gets hotter and more humid. This is a major concern when one lives in weather that routinely hits the high 90's with 100% humidity. . . you can survive for days without drinking water if you breath into your stomach instead of your lungs (p.s. don't try this at home!). Originally, we hired a mobile mechanic to replace the A/C compressor, which we considered the first and most likely candidate for what was going wrong. After the "fix" I looked under the hood and couldn't see anything different. No shiny new parts standing out against the contrast of the old dirty ones. But, he seemed like a genuine and nice fellow, so we gave him the benefit of the doubt that he did what he said he did. That and he was long gone by the time I got home.

However, as the months went on and the problem persisted, and I did more and more research (it turns out this is a common problem with our vehicle with three or four different possible solutions) and tried various different things, nothing seemed to remedy the problem. We eventually took it to our local Pep Boys, because they do everything for less you know. They tried a few other things under the impression that the compressor problem and some others had been fixed some months before. In the end, they concluded that the problem was an unsolvable enigma but also noted what I had first suspected,

"That compressor doesn't look as new as it should," Bruce (the Pep Boys manager) told me.

"I thought the same thing when I looked at it the first time," I said. "How much would you charge me to replace it?" (I'm strapped for time these days, and didn't want to take the time to replace it on my own.)

"Well, with all of the problems you're having with it," he grudgingly said, "I would only install the dealer part because there can be small differences between what you get at Autozone and the dealer part that could make it work or not work"

"Any idea how much the dealer part is?"

"I can find out."

Then, after a few hours I got a call. "I got a quote for that part," Bruce said, trying to sound optimistic.

"What's the damage?" I grunted.

"Well, the part alone is $700 and the labor is likely to be that or more because it's on the bottom of the belt line and would take several hours to get to. But this really should fix it because it's really the only thing left that it can be."

". . . . . . . . . . .," I said

"Sir?" Bruce asked.

"Alrighty then!" I finally said. "Well, we're just entering 'winter' and we aren't likely to need the A/C until spring, so I'll just come collect the car and pay you all for your time."

That rotten mobile mechanic! It's just beyond my comprehension how someone can steal money like that and go home to their family (dude has three little girls at home) feeling they've done right by their family and the world. Anyway, we put off the repair all winter, but every time the temperature got much above 70, the A/C would work less and less effectively, reminding us that eventually we were going to have to fix it. So, recently we ordered the part online (saved $500 and got a bonus part of the A/C system for free), and last Saturday I drove to Wes's house to use his garage and dove into the engine compartment. I replaced the A/C compressor, and A/C drier/accumulator, and the battery and alternator (I got a "battery not charging" error on the way over, and my tests indicated the one was bad, and then the other). See the three shiny new parts?

I tried to vacuum the A/C line, so the refrigerant would go in and cool properly, but it didn't work. I was at Wes's house form 10:30 am that morning until 1:00 am the next morning trying to get the system to work properly. My lower back was KILLING ME from bending over the engine all day, and my sweet wife waited up for me and rubbed my back for a very long time to try and give me some relief. We took the Envoy back to Pep Boys to have them test for leaks in the A/C system, because it just wasn't holding vacuum. They found one and I fixed it. The system still wasn't holding vacuum. We took it back, they found another, they fixed it, and now it "blows snowballs". However, the trouble didn't end there! Monday evening, after everything was fixed, we went to the outlet mall. The car drove great on the way, but as soon as we slowed down, something was obviously wrong. The engine was acting a fool and I kept getting ignition misfire codes over and over again. The check engine light was blinking (for those that don't know: light on, bad; light blinking, VERY BAD). We looked up the codes, tried a few things right there in the mall parking lot, and nothing worked. So, we limped the car back to Pep Boys (they had it last so they must have broke it, right?) going 25 mph the entire way. It needs new spark plugs and a new ignition coil. A reasonably cheap and easy fix that I can do.

Now, that little voice in your head is saying, "Craig, that was an extremely long story just to say you've had car troubles and got them (hopefully) fixed." That's true, and I'm sorry the story was so long, but it's important for me and my family to see the perspective of all of this. Since we have been married, Aubrey and I have had car trouble, after car trouble, after car trouble. An expensive sensor on the Cadillac broke (we sold it instead of fixing it). The Impala was constantly overheating, then blew the head gasket, got fixed, then continued to constantly overheat and throw trouble codes. The transmission on Aubrey's Saturn only lasted for a few months in Houston. The Avalon has a hole in the windshield washer fluid reservoir, one door that doesn't open (both the inside and outside handles are broken on the inside of the door compartment), and another door that holds water every time it rains. And the Envoy has had this ridiculous A/C problem. What's the point? Why am I seeming to rant about troubles that I'm sure many of you can easily outdo without writing an epistle as I've done? Because I had an experience as we were sitting at the outlet mall this last Monday. I was feeling frustrated and discouraged, wondering why it seemed that every car we've ever had has been loads of trouble. Then, I said a prayer. I pleaded with Father that these fixes we were trying in the parking lot would work and the car would miraculously run great. As I was praying, I said something to Father that I hadn't thought of before. I started to change my questions from "Why does this always happen to us? Can't things just work?!?!?!?" to "Why is this my challenge? What am I supposed to learn?" It's then that it hit me.

After Number One Son was born, I thought about the sort of man I want him to grow up to be. I want him to be the opposite of me in many respects. Patient instead of rash. Humble instead of prideful. Kind instead of sarcastic (sarcasm is a way to say mean things and "get away" with it). Exercising mastery of his emotions when I lose control over the littlest things. The list goes on. I realized a year and a half ago that the only way for Frankie to learn those things was if I am those things. I am responsible for providing the example of how he should be; the example he can see and follow. So, for the past year and a half, I've been improving myself. Praying for help to be patient, humble, kind, to exercise self-mastery and to have an understanding heart for others. The result? I don't react as harshly as I used to. I don't get down on myself as hard or as bad when I do foolish things. I use kind words with my wife and son more often. I've made myself be patient when I would have blown up.

So, what hit me this last Monday as I was asking these hard questions of my Father in the mall parking lot? It hit me how far I've come! A year ago, I might have put a dent in the car in a rage of frustration at the car not working, especially after I had JUST tried to fix it. (There were at least two dents in the Impala from such frustrated tantrums). I might have lost my temper as my loving wife and tender-hearted son looked on in fear and sadness. . . but I didn't. I was plentifully frustrated, just like I have always been. But I controlled myself. I calmly sought solutions with my wife. And I prayed instead of dented.

Father loves me enough to allow this most recent challenge as a way of showing me my improvement (my wife mentioned similar changes in me as well). I have no idea if the A/C is actually fixed or if my replacing the spark plugs and coils will make everything work well again; only time will tell. But something I do know is that Heavenly Father lives. He loves us. He is deeply concerned with our eternal well being and He does not allow trials into our lives to hurt or punish us. He allows trials to help us understand our progression. To help us gain perspective. To help fortify our faith and testimonies. To help us become worthy of the mansions he has prepared for us. TO HELP. . .

I will likely be faced with frustrating car troubles many more times in my life (hopefully not for a long time!) and I hope I can keep improving and reacting better and better to these and other similar situations. It's unlikely that I will not have the feelings of frustration and anger when these troubles come, but I hope I continue to choose a higher way of dealing with them. I'll probably lose my temper again and feel like I've lost all of the ground I've gained. But that's what the atonement is for. It's for imperfect people like me that want to be better and fail time and time again. But, I hope to be the best example for The Boy I can be. I hope to treat my wife with love, kindness, and thoughtfulness. And I hope to be the sort of son both my earthly and my heavenly parents can be proud of.

So, there's the answer to your little voice's question. I shared that long and likely boring narrative of our common-to-life car troubles, because I wanted to share some personal insight I had. I share, because I care!

As always, we love and miss you all. We are excited to see many of you in June and wish you the best you can have until then. Maybe next month's entry won't be so long. . . :)

P.S. The spark plugs and coils went it easily and well. The car is still having some unknown trouble, though. I suppose the trial continues!